


The Talk of Relationships Past

by CloakedSparrow



Series: Collected Bat-Family Stories [34]
Category: Batman (Comics), Detective Comics (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Robin (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: Bat Brothers, Bat Family, Batdad, Bruce loves his kids, Dysfunctional Family, Embarrassment, Family Bonding, Family Dynamics, Family Secrets, Gen, No Romance, No Sex, No Smut, One Shot, POV Bruce Wayne, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Past Underage Sex, Past Violence, Relationship Discussions, The Talk, Virgin Tim, it takes a village
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-13 06:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15357912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloakedSparrow/pseuds/CloakedSparrow
Summary: In which Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Tim end up discussing their failed relationships in order to figure out who is best suited talk to Damian about romance and dating after he demands his father set aside some time to have The Talk.





	The Talk of Relationships Past

Like anyone else, Bruce had his tells. Unlike most, his tells were imperceptible to the average or even the well-above-average observer. 

His children were trained, manly by him, to see those kinds of tells anyway. 

So while Bruce Wayne appeared to be going about business as usual to everyone else, his family could see the telltale signs of agitation. They knew their father was distracted by, even slightly nervous about, something. 

Naturally, they didn’t leave it be. 

Dick was the first to try talking to him. “You know, the whole ‘you can come to me with anything’ spiel you gave me when I was kid goes both ways. I can tell something’s up. If you want to talk about it, I’m here.”

Bruce assured his eldest that it was alright. It was nothing the family needed to concern themselves with.

Tim tried next. His approach was more simple and clean. “You want to talk about it?”

Again, Bruce assured his son that he had the situation well in hand. 

Jason was less patient than his brothers. He held out until he, Dick, and Tim were all having lunch with their father at the Manor to attack the subject. “Okay, B, just tell us what the hell is wrong so we can fix it and you can go back to normal. You’re freaking us out.”

Realizing that his distraction was negatively effecting his children, Bruce decided to explain. “Its nothing for you to be concerned about. Damian asked -well, demanded, you know how he is- that I set aside some time to talk to him about sex. I’m just trying to figure out the best way to handle it. I want to make sure he’s responsible, but I don’t want to take it too far.”

“Take it too far? But that’s so unlike you.” Unlike Tim, who would have delivered that dryly, or Dick, who would have said it with a teasing warmth, Jason’s tone did nothing to soften the sarcasm of the statement. “You’re usually so subtle.”

Bruce couldn’t help but smirk. His sons knew him too well to argue the point. “I know, that’s why its taking me so long to figure out the best way to approach the subject. He’s so literal and disdainful. And you all know how I am. I’m thinking a lecture on STDs and protection combined with a brief description of the act itself. Should I mention potential vulnerability after coitus?”

Jason responded immediately, but without any heat. “No. In fact you should never say ‘coitus’ in front of any of your children again.”

Tim looked both puzzled and disturbed. Jason nudged him and offered a look that clearly asked if he was okay. “I’m sorry, I just can’t imagine Damian being emotionally intimate or vulnerable with someone, even after sex. And I really don’t want to.”

Jason frowned. It was as if he finally put aside teasing their father enough to let the actual problem presented to sink in. “Wait? He doesn’t know about sex? He’s thirteen. I knew enough to make the younger whores blush by that age.” 

He looked at each of his brothers, curious. “Did you two just start learning about sex at thirteen?”

Dick laughed. “No. I already knew how babies were made when Bruce took me in. We had animals in the circus...and a few drunken clowns that tended not to check to see if their language was age appropriate. My parents either had to explain or risk me becoming very confused.”

Meanwhile, Tim shook his head. “They’d covered it in school well before that.”

Bruce frowned. Jason had a very good point. His youngest certainly shouldn’t be an expert or have any personal experience, but he should know the basics already. It made him feel like a bad parent that the boy apparently didn’t. He held onto the thought that at least Damian had felt comfortable enough with his father to demand a discussion on it. 

Alfred had entered the patio quietly while they were talking, pushing a tray with tea and sandwiches. “Forgive the intrusion, Master Bruce, but Master Damian has already learned the basics of this topic. I made certain to include sexual education in his health class curriculum as soon as he started showing signs of oncoming puberty.”

Dick looked thoughtful. “Actually, he asked me some questions about my dating history a couple years ago that I thought was kind of odd. I figured there was a reason and, frankly, I was just happy he was taking an interest in my personal life. It makes sense if he was learning about sex at the time though.”

Alfred nodded and poured the tea. “The time line sounds fitting, Master Dick.”

“Of course he knows about sex.” Jason stated as though it was something they all should have figured out already. He grabbed a sandwich while he explained. “He bred himself another cow. He wouldn’t know how to do that if he didn’t know how procreation works.”

Bruce frowned lightly. His second eldest was right again. He should have noticed that himself, but he’d been blindsided by Damian demanding a father-son talk. “But then...what does he want to talk about? He said it was in regards to sexual practice.”

“Did he use those words?” Jason noticed the disapproving look Alfred shot his way for speaking with his mouth full and swallowed. “Sorry, Alfie.”

“Of course he did. It’s Little D.” Dick spoke fondly, as if he wouldn't change his youngest sibling’s acerbic demeanor or odd directness for the world. 

“If I may?” Alfred paused to ensure his input was welcomed, which he always did, even though no one in the family ever refused to hear his opinion. “I believe Master Damian requires assistance understanding the emotional end of the equation. He knows about sex itself and understands sexual urges but the finer points of romantic interest and intimacy elude him.”

To Bruce’s surprise, each of his present sons seemed to find that more than reasonable. 

“Oh...” 

“That makes sense.”

“Of course.”

They also each seemed to think that meant Bruce was going to have a harder time than he would if Damian had required the sex talk as he’d anticipated. 

Tim’s expression morphed from seeing how the final piece of the puzzle fit to realizing the picture was all wrong. “Oh.”

Jason gave a short laugh. “Yeah, you’re screwed, B.”

Dick offered his father a slightly apologetic smile. “You know, one of us could take this one, if you want.”

Bruce’s frown grew some irritation behind it. “I know I’m not the most emotionally available parent in the world, but I do know a few things about dating and I can handle a simple talk with my son.”

“You couldn’t with any of us.” Jason pointed out. He glanced at his brothers. “Honestly, did B talk to either of you about dating…besides being careful about not outing yourself as Robin or how to play off scars and injuries?”

Tim shook his head and didn’t look up from his sandwich. Dick looked as though he were honestly sorting though his memories for something that might count as such a talk. “Huh. Does teaching me to ballroom dance count? Or talking about focusing and not showing off for Barbara when she first hit the scene as Batgirl?”

Jason considered his big brother’s questions before shaking his head. “The first was to blend into high society and the second was about focusing as Robin, so no. Nice try though.”

"He did threaten a few of my early dates." Dick offered. He looked fond at the memories.

Jason offered an agreeable head tilt. "Better, but he still didn't talk to _you_ about them, did he?" His expression told Dick that the question was rhetorical. They all knew the answer.

“Maybe Alfred should do it.” Tim suggested lightly, as if it were just a given that someone else needed to handle the situation. 

Alfred simply nodded. “I would be happy to, if you’d like, Master Bruce.”

By this point, Bruce was glaring more than frowning. “Why do each of you think I can’t handle this?”

Jason rolled his eyes. “Damian wants to know about romance and relationships. You know, things you suck at.”

Dick immediately tried to soften his little brother’s candor. “Its just...you might not be the best candidate for that discussion.” 

Tim nodded his agreement, but softened the reaction with a short amendment. “To be fair, none of us are good candidates for that discussion. That’s why my vote is Alfred.”

Jason raised a hand. “Seconded.”

“This isn’t a vote.” Bruce was honestly surprised at his sons’ reactions. He knew he had his faults, especially when it came to parenting, and he knew Damian could be incredibly difficult to explain something to. Still, he didn’t see why they were each so certain that he would botch a simple discussion on dating with his youngest child. “Why would I be such a poor candidate for this?”

His sons each quieted at that. Tim looked pensive and a little nervous. Dick looked troubled and slightly ashamed. Jason looked mildly irritated and frustrated. Clearly, they each were concerned that their reasoning might offend their father. They didn’t want to start a fight over something like his love life.

Bruce took a breath and made it a point to calm his tone and expression. He wanted to be able to talk to his kids about this sort of thing. From his eldest to his youngest. “Really. I want to know why you think I’m ill-suited to this.” He offered a slight grin. “Preferably _before_ I potentially scar your little brother for life.”

The boys looked considering at that. Dick even grinned. 

Jason was the first to give, which surprised Bruce a little. His second son usually tried to avoid any potential family drama like the plague. “I know I’m not the best person to point this out, but its almost like you purposefully pick women that you know you’ll never be able to make it work with. And I’m not talking about the cover dates, it makes sense in those cases. I mean the women you’ve actually tried to date for real.”

Tim gave a a sideways nod to relent to his big brother’s statement. “Each of the serious ones I can recall are definitely women you could never be entirely emotionally open with.”

“That’s true.” Dick looked apologetic but not uncertain when his father looked at him. “Its just...you always date women that are completely incompatible with you. I mean, civilians who are too innocent to ever understand you fully, or who’ll even be frightened by your true nature, like Silver St Cloud.

“Then there are the ones who’ll draw too much attention from the tabloids, like Jezebel.” Dick gave a considering head tilt. “Of course, she also turned out to be an undercover Black Glove operative who nearly killed you before Talia killed her. So...plenty of red flags there.”

“Let’s not get into Talia.” The mere mention of her had been enough to spur the warning. Bruce had known that was a mistake shortly into their long, tumultuous, complicated relationship. However, that had led to Damian, and he loved his son. He supposed his relationship to Talia would always remain complicated now because of that. Still, he knew why she’d been a bad decision. 

His sons each nodded their agreement. Their expressions suggested that none of them wanted to get into that one either. 

“Moving on; what about the reporter?” Jason shot Bruce a look that suggested he’d been crazy for ever trying that. “She was always looking for the next headline and always looking for suspicious behavior. She was practically obsessed with Batman. How did you ever think she wouldn’t get suspicious of you? You’re lucky she couldn’t figure out if you were Batman or if you were cheating when she noticed how often you disappear and how often there isn’t any proof that you were where you said you were.”

“Even I wondered what you were thinking with that one.” Tim wore a bemused expression as he admitted that. As if he were still trying to figure out the logic behind his father’s choice of date.

Jason pointed at his little brother. “And he was like, eight or something, at that time. Let that sink in a minute...an _eight-year-old_ realized your mistake before you did.”

“Its worth considering that he wasn’t an average eight-year-old.” It wasn’t much, but it was all Bruce had to challenge that. 

“Still proves how obvious a mistake it was.” Jason countered easily.

Dick patted his father’s arm, even as he gave him a look that said he’d had that coming. “It wasn’t your wisest move, Bruce.”

“I was young and foolish once too, you know.” Bruce wasn’t going to argue that he hadn’t made a few mistakes in the love department, but he also felt the need to point out that he’d improved. Not only for his own ego, but to make sure his children realized that it was okay to make some mistakes when you were starting out. “You’ll notice I didn’t make the same mistakes again.”

Jason scoffed. “No, you made an even bigger one.” He rolled his eyes when Bruce looked at him with a combination of vexation and confusion. “Oh, come on. The world’s strictest crime fighting vigilante dating a known criminal? In what world would that ever work?”

Dick made a face like he’d just witnessed a violent blow. “Jay, no. Let’s not go there either. That’s almost as bad as Talia.”

“No, let’s.” Bruce didn’t like having his mistakes pointed out to him any more than the next person. However, he recognized the opportunity to learn from them. If Jason had noticed something he hadn’t, it would be good to hear. Moreover, he was impressed with some of the deductions and observations his sons had shared already. 

It especially was rare that he got to see Jason acting as a detective. Rarer still that his middle children and he discussed their personal lives to such an extent. He wanted to hear what else Jason had to say, even if it meant potentially being insulted or embarrassed. “Why do you think it was so obvious that Selina and I wouldn’t work?” 

Jason looked his father over, as if ensuring that this wasn’t heading toward a fight. When he noted the genuine curiosity and hint of pride on his father’s face, he answered. “You operate on completely different levels.” He shook his head and looked as if he were searching for the best way to expand on that. Finally, he glanced at Tim.

His little brother picked up the train of thought for him. With virtually no time to question it, Bruce noticed, as if the answer was just _there_ to see. “You have irreconcilable value systems and your moral compasses aren’t aligned. Plus, you aren’t equals in nearly any area that really counts to you.” 

Jason gestured toward his little brother as though showcasing a display board and looked at Bruce. “Take your pick.

“I mean, did you think Catwoman would stop stealing and let you support her in a life if luxury?” He almost hit Tim with his sandwich when he threw out his hands in a ‘what’ or ‘how’ gesture. “She’s manipulative, clever, and beautiful. She could have been a trophy wife or a CEO years ago. She isn’t because she has a pathological compulsion to steal from the rich or _undeserving_ , as she sees them.”

Jason took another bite of his sandwich, but he chewed without talking this time, even though Alfred had already retired into the house. Tim was watching him in fascination. Dick looked like a deer in the headlight. Bruce had to fight the urge to smile as if his son had brought home a report card full of highest marks. 

But Jason wasn’t quite done. “She donates some to the truly needy, yeah, but most of it goes toward renting penthouses or buying faux furs and diamond studded cat collars. She likes knowing she’s using the money of wealthy, dirty men for her fun. Even if she went with more petty theft that never endangered lives -which wouldn’t last- to the same degree, _how would that work_? Would Batman suddenly ignore petty thieves?” 

Jason arched a brow. “It’d be pretty damn hypocritical to arrest some jewel thieves when you’re dating one.” He gave a shrug. His expression clearly said ‘there yo go’. Then he grabbed another sandwich. 

Tim looked impressed. He glanced at Bruce. “He’s not wrong.” 

“No, he isn’t.” Bruce agreed. He was too proud to be annoyed. His son had analyzed both his father and a known Rogue -if one of the less dangerous ones- perfectly. 

Dick tilted his head, taking the opportunity to try broaching the subject of Bruce passing on having the talk with Damian again. “Well, if that’s the case...do you want me to talk to Little D?”

Jason scoffed immediately. “Yeah, ‘cause your track record is so much better.” He motioned toward Tim with his sandwich before taking another bite. “Timber’s is right. He should have Alfie do it.”

Bruce thought he should possibly take offense himself at just how offended Dick looked at the comparison. “How do you figure my track record isn’t better than B’s?” He seemed to belatedly realize how his response might be taken. He glanced at his father. “No offense.”

“None taken.” Bruce assured his eldest. He was more interested in Jason’s answer than Dick’s reason for taking offense. “It’s actually a fair question.”

“Thank you!” Dick turned back to his little brother. “Seriously, how do you figure I’m as bad as Dad is in the love department?”

Even if he had been a little offended before, the fact that Dick called him ‘dad’ while in a moment of unthinking agitation would have made Bruce move on from it entirely. At this point, he was ready to just sit back and listen to his kids talk. He was actually glad they’d brought up the subject. He’d already learned more about them -and how much they noticed- than he’d expected.

“You pick _much_ better women, I’ll give you that, but have you managed to stay still long enough to make it work with any of them?” Jason tilted his head and offered his brother a look that said ‘let’s be fair about this’. “I mean, fuck, Dick, you stopped by your ex’s place to drop off an invitation _to your wedding_ and ended up _sleeping with her_ first. Then you eventually asked her to marry you instead, which never happened because you went off with B and Tim. I don’t know what’s wrong with you, and I sure as fuck aren’t the guy to help you with it, but you need to figure that one out.”

“Wait, what?” Tim’s focus snapped from Jason to Dick. Of everything said so far, he looked as though they’d just hit something terrible. The look wasn’t all that different from the one Bruce made when he thought one of his kids had crossed a serious line. “You cheated on your fiancée? Which one? Why?”

“Seriously?” Dick sounded slightly defensive and more than a little confused. “Jason and Little D trying to murder you, you move on from without any real explanation or apology needed, but _this_ earns me The Look?”

“Which you’ve got down pat, by the way.” Jason added, unhelpfully. “Its like looking at a miniature, disappointed, B.”

Bruce had to admit, if only to himself, that it was incredibly endearing to see an expression he’d worn dozens of times on his second youngest child’s face. Rather than comment on it, he turned his attention back to Jason. “Do _you_ want to take a crack at talking to Damian, then?”

His second eldest looked at him as if he were crazy. He even recoiled slightly at the question. “ _Fuck no_. My track record isn’t much better than either of yours. Nothing’s been long term and I’ve banged one of Dick’s exes and one of yours, both of which were obvious mistakes.” Jason’s brows quickly shot up in sort of facial shrug. “Clearly, I have some issues figuring out how to be close to anyone.”

Dick choked on the sandwich he was eating. Bruce hit him on the back and Tim handed him a drink. When he could speak, he turned a surprised expression toward Jason. “Excuse me? You slept with one of my exes? Who?” 

Tim looked blandly at his oldest brother. “At least he didn’t do it until after you were broken up.”

Dick looked affronted. “You’re still on that? It was _one_ mistake and I always felt terrible about it.”

“That can wait.” Bruce was more concerned with another part of his second son’s statement. “Aren’t any of _my_ exes too old for you?” He quickly tried to consider each of his ex girlfriends, considering which of them might have done something inappropriate with his son. “When did this happen? How old were _you_?”

“It happened after I came back, so I was an adult, but the specifics depend on whether you count the time I was dead or not aging from the Pit or not.” Jason assured his father, although that didn’t appease him much. After all, Jason hadn’t aged any during the time he was dead and immediately after the Lazarus Pit, so it all amounted to the same thing: his teenage son with a much older woman, whom one could argue was in a position of authority. Not that Jason ever responded to authority in a subservient manner, but still, Bruce wasn’t happy with the implication. Especially since his son had been confused and then certifiably insane immediately after his return to the living.

His feelings must have shown, because Jason rolled his eyes and spoke again. 

“It wasn’t like that, okay? I was a little crazy, yeah, but I made my own decision. You know how I was.” He shook his head. He was clearly regretting bringing this up. “Look, I haven’t wanted to bring it up because I’m not proud of it and I _really_ don’t want to talk about it. It was just hate sex, which is always a mistake. So let’s move on like we have from each of yours.”

“You know, I’ve never understood that.” Dick looked truly puzzled. Each of the others turned to look at him questioningly. “Why would you sleep with someone you hate?”

“No, I didn’t hate _her_.” Jason paused, looking like that wasn’t quite right. “Well, yeah, I kinda did. But mostly we both just hated Bruce.” He offered an unapologetic shrug when his father and big brother looked at him with mild disappointment. “Its not like I kept that hidden back then and you all know how I feel now.”

Bruce wasn’t that bothered by Jason’s end of that problem though. He was bothered that one of his exes had thought it was acceptable to have any form of sex with one of his children to apparently hurt or punish him after they'd broken up. He was bothered that he hadn’t noticed. That he’d brought such a woman into his children’s lives to begin with. 

“Who was it?” He belatedly realized that using his Batman growl probably wasn’t the best response.

Jason’s answering glare confirmed that. “The growl doesn’t work with me, Bruce. Just drop it. I’m not telling you and its over anyway. She isn’t in either of our lives any more. You aren’t going to do any of us any favors by bringing it up again.”

Before he could respond, Bruce felt a gentle kick against his shin under the table. He glanced across at Tim, who gave a minute shake of his head the second his father’s eyes met his. He silently mouthed the word ‘no’. Apparently, he and his big brother had discussed this before and whatever Tim knew, he didn’t think it was wise for Bruce to push Jason on the subject at this juncture. 

As much as he wanted to know everything, to address it (and potentially punish the guilty party), Bruce decided to accept Tim’s deduction. He knew more about the situation and he’d rarely been wrong in the past. 

That didn’t mean Bruce was going to forget it. 

After an awkward pause in the conversation, Dick cleared his throat. “So...I guess that means you get to talk to Little D then, Timmy.”

Everyone at the table turned to look at Dick with their own version of an expression that read ‘what the hell?’.

Jason followed that up by talking to his big brother as if he were crazy. “What the fuck are you talking about? Timbers has more intimacy issues than either of you. He’s even still a virgin.”

“And thanks for announcing that every chance you get.” Tim chimed in, refreshing his tea and giving the liquid a mildly put out look that was probably directed at his brother. “The other day I had a reporter trying to talk to me about chastity rings or something because of you.”

Jason laughed. “I am _so_ getting you one now.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Its not even a chastity thing...”

“Then what is it?” Jason asked, still amused. “How many hot women, or girls who were really into you, have you shut down when they tried to get too physical?”

Tim nudged his brother to get him to stop laughing. “You know, its not that unusual. A lot of people my age are virgins.”

“Not rich, attractive sixteen-year-old boys. Not by choice, outside of religious upbringings scaring them into chastity or a childhood trauma scarring them away from intimacy.” Jason draped an arm around his little brother. “Face it Timbers, you have some issues we need to explore.”

Tim looked torn between irritation -which Bruce found understandable- and genuine discomfort -which Bruce found concerning. He would definitely have to keep an eye out for any further signs of such issues.

Dick took in Tim’s expression and then hit Jason with a sugar cube. “Focus, Jay. This isn’t about sex, remember? Its about dating.” He gestured toward their little brother. “He doesn't have much experience, but between all the secrecy in our lives and that fact that his dates are too young to expect them to really understand sacrifice or that’s its never going to be all about them, we can forgive them for not lasting long.

“That said, he still dated one partner for a significant amount of time...and he’s always been exclusive with his girlfriends.” Dick looked slightly embarrassed to be adding that last detail after his own infidelity had been brought up. 

Tim had looked relieved at the change of subject until Dick brought up his dating history again. Then he folded his arms over the table and dropped his face onto them. Clearly, he didn’t want to get into his own romantic mistakes. Considering how he young he was, Bruce thought that was fair. He wouldn't have wanted to take part in this discussion at sixteen either. 

Jason brows drew inward and he frowned at his little brother before turning back to his older brother. “The length of time is what works against him here, Dick. How long was he off and on with Stephanie before he finally accepted that it wasn’t going to work? And the only reason he ended it for good is because she literally took a hit out on him and basically tried to torture him into focusing on Robin instead of Tim. Then she tried to pass the buck onto Dad when she was called out on it. Seriously, every chance that girl got, she proved it was _Robin_ she was interested in, not _Tim_. 

“I think she just wanted to be a hero so badly that she figured some of his heroism would wear off on her if she hung around long enough.” Jason looked and sounded more incensed while speaking of Tim's ex than he had when speaking of his father and big brother’s ex girlfriends. 

Bruce supposed that was because Bruce and Dick had done the most potential hurting in their failed relationships -with one immense exception, apparently- where as Tim had been the wronged party in his most significant one. Bruce didn’t like that his child had been wronged either. He never liked to see his kids hurt. But he did like knowing that Jason cared enough to be so incensed on his little brother’s behalf.

And he didn’t miss the fact that his second son had slipped and called him 'dad' either. 

“This is all a moot point. I can’t give Damian advice about anything like this.” Tim pointed out, finally looking up from his earlier face-plant. It was possible he just wanted to get off the subject of his ex but what he was saying was also true. “He hates admitting I know more about anything than he does when he feels he _should_ know about it, and he usually can’t help but take a shot at me when an opening presents itself. He would just be defensive and distracted; it wouldn’t help him and that’s what this is supposed to be about.”

Bruce and Dick both nodded, accepting Tim’s logic. Bruce actually never thought the idea of having his sixteen-year-old sit down and discuss romance with his thirteen-year-old was a good idea. In addition to the reason Tim offered, the boy was still figuring out romance and dating for himself, as he should be at his age. While it would be nice if he and Damian could talk while both explored dating, expecting him to be responsible for the education of a child not much younger than himself was putting too much pressure on Tim and wouldn't teach Damian nearly as much as hearing from someone with more experience. Since Tim’s reasoning was sound, Bruce didn’t feel the need to add his own reasons.

Jason, however, wasn’t quite done with the subject. “Even _Cass_ , who’s _friends_ with Stephanie and admits this is not her area at all, told her friend she’d kick her ass if she ever tried to date her little brother again.”

Dick looked surprised by that. Bruce was too. Before either could ask, Tim confirmed it. “She did. She also said she’d kick my ass if I ever considered taking Steph back.” He shrugged. “I get it though. We’re better off trying to be friends if we ever encounter each other again.”

“Yeah, because _that_ usually works.” Jason rolled his eyes before looking at his little brother with a combination of concern and frustration. “And you only dated Wonder Girl-"

"It was _one_ kiss." Tim corrected.

Jason nodded to grant the correction but still continued on with his point. "Still, it was only because you were both trying to hold onto Conner after he died. Which really, should tell us all something about you." He looked at his little brother, considering. "Granted, you’ve had more people you cared about die on you than the rest of us have, so maybe you should get a pass on trying to hold onto people too hard.” 

He shrugged when both Bruce and Dick looked at him questioningly. “Just saying.”

Tim looked mildly irritated but also like he could see his brother’s point. He sipped his tea rather than respond.

By this point, Dick was looking askance at Jason “How do you know all of this? Have you just been quietly observing our failed relationships and waiting for the opportunity to bring them up?”

Jason arched a brow at his big brother. “Its not my fault you constantly forget I’m a detective too.”

Bruce doubted Dick would ever make that mistake again. He certainly knew he wouldn’t. 

He also knew exactly how he was going to handle the issue of Damian wanting to talk about dating and romance. 

Apparently, Dick had an idea too. He turned to his father. “Why don’t you just have Little D write down his top ten questions -or however many he has- and then address those specifically? That way, you know you covered what he actually wants to know without risking sounding like a hypocrite or getting into TMI territory?”

Bruce nodded. “The list isn’t a bad idea.” He would actually use the list idea, but he wasn’t going to just answer the questions on it and call it a day. He grinned at his sons. “But I have a better way of taking care of it.”

Jason indicated Tim before bringing up his little brother's original suggestion. “Alfred?”

“No.” Bruce smiled at his sons. While he trusted Alfred to handle the situation brilliantly, Damian had come to him and he wouldn’t pass the buck. However, that didn’t mean his youngest had to learn from _only_ him. After all, he wanted his kids to know they always had support, even when their father was unavailable. “We’re _all_ going to talk to him.”

Dick appeared to like the idea. He wore a small, pleased smile. Jason appeared to dislike the idea. His expression was tight. Tim appeared to be wary of the idea. His expression was concerned. 

Bruce had anticipated the responses. He was prepared to have to make his case before they came around. “I understand that Damian can be difficult. We all know he’s going to be haughty and rude. But he does have questions and they must be important to him for him to bring them up like this.”

He could tell that definitely got Jason and Tim more open to the suggestion. They wanted to help their brother when it was important, even if they knew he’d likely make it as difficult as possible for them. They still weren’t completely on-board, but he was making progress. Dick was entirely on-board by that point, but Bruce had known his eldest would be the easiest sale. 

“We each have different experiences and viewpoints to bring to the table. He’ll learn more and realize there are more approaches to romance and thoughts about it if he hears from each of us. We each have different standards for romance. We don’t necessarily value the same traits in the same order when considering a partner. Whatever he’s feeling or thinking that has him wondering about this, he won’t feel as though he’s wrong if he sees that.”

Bruce saw that Tim was on-board then. He didn’t look especially pleased about it. His expression showed that he was resigned to putting up with his hostile little brother if it meant helping him realize he wasn’t alone and wasn’t some kind of freak. Bruce decided he would make it a point to ensure that Damian didn’t harass him about anything said during the talk.

Jason was close, but still not entirely sure he wanted to get that involved in the upcoming discussion. 

“He’ll also have the advantage of learning from some of our mistakes and issues. I choose women I can’t possibly commit to in order to avoid having to choose between them and Batman. Dick cares deeply for his romantic partners, but he chooses ones that have just as much going on in their lives as he does, so its difficult to make it work in the long run. Jason avoids intimacy because he has trust issues and so he doesn’t like to open himself up to being used or hurt. Tim likes the idea of love, but lacks a proper sense of self-worth, and those traits combined with the loses he’s suffered make him too forgiving when his partner is mistreating him or clearly wrong for him.”

Bruce noticed each of his sons pause when he described their issues, and then slowly come to see the accuracy. He wondered if they might have accidentally just helped each other with their love lives while trying to figure out who should talk to Damian about his potential future romances. Bruce knew he was going to be more aware whenever he considered dating someone in the future. He hoped his other sons were as well. If not, he’d certainly be keeping an eye on who they dated. 

They each deserved partners who were worthy of them. 

“I don’t want Damian making the same mistakes or being blind to his own issues if it can be helped.” Bruce finished, seeing his words give Jason the final push he needed.

Sure enough, his second eldest nodded. “I don’t either.”

Tim sighed. He looked unamused. “I swear, if he starts teasing me about being a virgin too, I’m cutting him down to size.” He indicated Jason. “One brother teasing me about it is enough.”

“We’ll stop him if he starts, don’t worry.” Oddly, the first to offer assurance was Jason. When Tim arched a brow at him in question, he drew his own brows in in disheartenment. “What? I’m not cruel about teasing you. I’m not gonna stand by while someone else is.”

Tim considered that and then nodded, accepting the logic. Bruce considered it too, and decided it was reasonable enough. Jason was right that he was never cruel to his little brother anymore, only mildly irritating. He seemed to know exactly where to draw the line to avoid causing any real hurt, whereas Bruce knew Damian specifically aimed to hurt when he took jabs at his brother.

Or he always had in the past. Lately, the family had been better about pointing out when his behavior was unacceptable and Damian appeared to be making a genuine effort to rein it in. At least where the family was concerned. Bruce figured he’d accept that for now and work on his youngest child’s attitude toward others once he was getting along well with each of his siblings at least eighty percent of the time. 

First, apparently, he needed to talk to him about dating. It appeared he’d have plenty of backup. 

“We should lay out some ground rules.” Dick suggested. He eyed his brothers. “Like, let’s not tell him about my huge mistake, okay? I don’t want him thinking that sort of thing is okay, because it isn’t.”

Jason looked uncertain before he finally agreed with a nod. “I don't know about your reasoning, but he looks up to you too much. With us, he’d have accepted it as a mistake once we explained. With you, he’ll try to excuse it.” He nodded toward their little brother. “Timbers here doesn’t idolize you nearly as much and you see how hard he’s taking it.”

Dick sighed. “It was _one time_ , Timmy. I _know_ it was bad, okay?”

Tim nodded, but he didn’t look okay. He would be fine, Bruce knew. It would just take a little while for his second youngest to quantify the information and figure out how it fit in with the big brother he knew and respected. While he thought there might be something to be learned from Dick’s mistake, about why good people sometimes do bad things, he had to agree with Jason’s reasoning to keep it from Damian. He would have a much harder time reconciling the information with the brother he adored than Dick’s other siblings.

Besides, Bruce had his own ground rule to lay out and that was more important to bring up. “We also don’t tell him anything about my relationship with Talia. If he directly asks a question about her, let me answer it. I don’t want to excuse her actions, but we need to take care not to vilify her too much. Despite everything else she is, she’s still his mother. And despite my poor relationship with her, he's still my son.”

Each of his boys agreed readily. None of them wanted to insult their brother or hurt him. They also didn’t want to start a fight if he felt the need to defend his mother. And they all knew that if he felt rejected by his father or ashamed of his mother, he'd likely try to cover it up with his usual hostility. A defensive Damian was a dangerous Damian. 

“Should we leave out the part about Jason sleeping with our exes?” Dick questioned, looking thoughtful and considering his little brothers and father. “I mean, its not really about romance or dating, and its not something we want him to ever consider doing.”

“Then we _should_ mention it.” Jason answered. He sounded honest but not ashamed as he expanded on that. “Let him be disturbed a little. Let him see why it was a mistake. I’m not gonna give him names or details, but they _were_ a part of my romantic experience and maybe he’ll learn something from it.”

Again, Bruce was impressed by his second son. Again, he accepted his reasoning. He turned to his second youngest. “Tim, anything you want off limits?”

Tim sighed, looking further resigned. “No. Jason’s right. Again.” He offered his named brother a small smile, and then he looked determined. “If Damian can learn something from my mistakes that prevents him from making the same ones, then I can deal with a little embarrassment.”

Once more, Bruce was impressed by one of his sons. He was proud that Tim was willing to sacrifice some of his pride if meant helping his little brother have an easier shot at romance in his own life. “You’re a good brother, Tim.” He looked from Tim, to Jason, and then to Dick. “You all are.”

Dick grinned. “Remember that when we’re teasing Damian to find out who got him wondering about romance and dating to begin with.”

Bruce blinked. He hadn't questioned what had spurred his youngest to suddenly ask about dating.

Jason smirked. “Or that he’s apparently openly acknowledged an understanding of sexual urges.”

Bruce _definitely_ hadn't thought about that. He supposed he should. Despite his acerbic personality and general sense of superiority, Damian was still a teenage boy. Bruce had to be prepared for all the usual trials and issues that come up with a teenager in addition to the more unique ones he was sure would come up in the future. 

Tim looked over his big brothers, who were still grinning like a pair of cats that got into the creamery, and then turned to Bruce. “Its still not too late to just ask Alfred to talk to him.”

Bruce had to laugh at that. Still, he was certain. A little teasing wouldn't hurt Damian and he trusted his other sons not too take it too far. In the end, it would just be them treating their youngest sibling like they treated each other. Bruce liked that. “I’ll take my chances.”

After all, he’d taken a chance with each of the boys at the table and they’d all turned out beautifully. 

He decided he needed to keep that in mind the next time Damian expressed a desire to talk to him. He needed to avoid over thinking it. Clearly, he had good enough instincts when it came to his children. Even when those instincts failed him, his kids were sharp enough to spot a problem and help him solve it together. It was one of the joys of having such a family. 

A joy Bruce was coming to appreciate more and more as his children grew up.


End file.
